Vegan Chocolate Truffles
March 7th, 2010|Filed Under Dessert, Recipes

I know it sounds gross, but these are actually amazing. I made them for a vegan/flaky friend and he never showed up to the party. This is why you can’t trust vegans, consultants or white women.

Dear Jake.

You are the man! I cannot tell you how much we love seeing you. You’ve become like our adopted little brother. Every time we see you it’s so much fun. We drink, dance, eat and smoke when we all hang out. I am so happy you are part of our family. In case you haven’t noticed, we always put extra hip-hop on our playlist when we know you’re coming over

Also, I know it doesn’t seem like it, but we are very sensitive to your medical condition. We totally get that it is impossible for you to eat dairy and you stick to a mostly vegan diet. Just so you know we’re always looking out for you.

The last few times we’ve thrown parties, you told us you were coming. And guess what? You never showed up. On each of these occasions I made you a vegan dessert. Last week I made Vegan Chocolate Truffles and they were delicious. We enjoyed these dairy free chocolates without you. I was really worried that us “normal” people would not like them, but we all did.

We understand you’re from Brooklyn, incredibly smart, hip, charming and handsome but that doesn’t really make up for you dissing us. If Santogold can come over so can you.

The family got together and came to the conclusion that as of March 10, 2010 you are cut. It has been a very difficult decision for us, but your lack of integrity has left us with no choice. So fuck you!!!!!

Love your former friends,

Petrit and The Albanians


3/4 Cup Raw Cashews

1/2 Cup Water

1 Pound Bittersweet Chocolate

1/4 Cup Espresso

1 Tablespoon Sugar

1/4 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

Pinch of Salt

1/2 Cup of Coca Powder

Put the cashews and water in a bowl and let it soak for 1 hour. Prepare a double boiler and add the chocolate, espresso, sugar and keep stirring until all the chocolate has melted. Take the cashew and water mixer, vanilla, salt and process in a blender for about a minute. It should be completely smooth like thin peanut butter. Pour in a bowl and slowly fold in the melted chocolate until completed mixed. Refrigerate the mixture for about 2 hours until cold. Using a teaspoon scoop out a small amount and roll it in the palms of your hands to form into round balls (I like to use latex gloves w/out powder). Put the coca powder in a bowl and after you roll each Truffle place and roll it around in the powder. Refrigerate for at least an hour and enjoy.

6 Responses to “Vegan Chocolate Truffles”

  1. Lily G says:

    Jake — its been real ..

    I love you neighbor!

  2. Santogold says:

    Imma fuck yo couch with them milkless balls!!!

  3. Lumi says:

    can’t believe something vegan could be so damn good!

  4. .a says:

    LOL such a angsty food blog..

  5. Roberta Jomami says:

    I tried these and was blown away. Granted I tried them in the middle of a hurricane so the “blown away” part wasn’t due entirely to the flavor. Keep up the delicious work!

  6. David says:

    I’ve had these, twice. They are amazing and almost had me go full-vegan but then I tried tofu.. These rock!!

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